Thursday, September 04, 2008

A Storm is Brewing

Hold on? or let go, how do we know when the time is up? That we've exhausted all our resources as human beings to absorb emotional conflicts? There are certain things in life that once broken can never be fixed, an emotional death is like the real death when it passes it can never come back. No reason or logic can be sufficient for us to understand this, all I know is that the effects on each individual is different and I may not be an expert on this but I am suffering from it. And all I have is this space to share my sorrow, I'm in mourning... I'm angry... enraged... I feel betrayed and there is nothing I can do about it but go on... live my life like nothing is wrong, because it can never be right ever again.

Why me? I'm not special I'm just a regular person and just like everyone else I'm not equipped to face the storm that is brewing inside of me. We all suffer from feelings like happiness, love, anger and hate, I have the three except happiness. I will never be complete again, the void that this created is too big to be filled up by time unless I live to be more than a hundred. And who wants that!?

I guess it is time, for me to give back to life what I have taken from it, it's been a great ride. I'm not saying that I wont do it all over again because that's what we do with life we live through it, despite all the nasty things that happens to us while were alive even if it means being a living dead. Eat, Sleep, Go to Work, Have Fun and Suffer...

I did not invite you here, but if you happen to be passing by, Welcome to my Emotional Funeral...

As the closest person who have contact with my emotions, I have a few things to say about it before I let it rest in peace...

My emotion was always fragile as long as I can remember, we had good times together, we played a lot as kids sharing my innocence, getting into fights, making new friends... During my teens it got complicated, always angry and resentful of everything we do or done to us, trying to take charge of me so I let it bully me for awhile. As we got older it learned to mellow out, it found a new life so to speak and we were happy and content. It was the good times for us. I thought we will be together for the rest of my life. But it got sick somehow and it's all my fault, we agreed to never invest on any one thing, because that's how you get emotional cancer with disappointments. That was how we did it after we gained more understanding of life we never give out everything to be protected, so that if we lose on one thing we still have a few left that we can allow to grow. But one day I convinced my emotion that life is all about risks and it wouldn't be living if were always playing it safe. We needed to be strong and let go of our fears. That's how it got sick, because of me... I shared my emotions to the last person I thought would harm it. But I'm not sorry because my emotion lived a full life and found happiness before it was taken from me. My tears no longer has a taste, we are here to say goodbye to my emotion and as a parting gift I will leave you the flavor of my tears so that wherever you may roam you will have a piece of me with you. No more suffering you are free from all feelings, and though in time I may fill the void that you will leave it would never be enough for me to forget you, it would never be enough for me to be complete. Thank You I'm letting you go.

And to all who came, welcome to the winter of my discontent...


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